he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
