if you like me you must not know who I am
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
