I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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