you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
