Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
