you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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