that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
