Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
