I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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