i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
