what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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