Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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