no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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