If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
