Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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