Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
