i think my mom watched the whole time
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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