The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
