some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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