hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
