Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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