She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
