He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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