and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have fence marks all over my body
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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