This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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