So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
