Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
