This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
