apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
