i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
