What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
