i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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