Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
