I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
