i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
