I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
