We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
