I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You're like the curious george of whores
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
