I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
