Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
