He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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