Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
