where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
