I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
