Sober January is a disaster.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Alive.
So much puke
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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