I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
