sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
