do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
