my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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