i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
