did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
