A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
