At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
