I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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