we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I deserve this hangover.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
